I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
