i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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