Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
