Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
