Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
