Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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