just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
