yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
