Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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