my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
