He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
