Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
