cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
