I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
