The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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