mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
