sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
