the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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