What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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