Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
