Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
