we have officially lost it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
