I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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