my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
