Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
