So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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