Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
