Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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