By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
