I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
