if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
love makes seman taste better
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
