My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
