I think scott just propositioned me for sex
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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