he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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