i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
