You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
