Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
