when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
