In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
