; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
