Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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