True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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