Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
