Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
