Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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