Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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