It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
