easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
