Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
