***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
