The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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