I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You're like the curious george of whores
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
