id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
